30 Rock Quotes

Liz - Season 1 | Episode: 12 Black Tie | Scene: Yo Mama
That was surprising.

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Season 5 Quotes

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30 Rock Quotes brings you Season 6 Quotes!

30 Rock's Dance Like Nobody's Watching was episode 1 of Season 6. Check out the newly transcribed 104th episode by 30 Rock Quotes Click Here

Tracy: Liz Lemon is a crack whore!
Jack: Probably not, but continue.
Tracy: It's the only explanation! She was on a ho stroll to pay for her drug habit. I followed her last night, JD. She went down to Penn Station and not the fun stationary store on the Upper East Side, the skeezy one with trains.
Jack: Well, there has to be some other explanation. Are you sure it was Liz Lemon and not present-day Sally Field?
Tracy: I know it's crazy but ever since we got back from Kwanzaa, she's been acting all weird; all relaxed and not angry.
Jack: Well, it has been two days and she hasn't once stormed in here, carping about how all the destructive hurricanes get female names. But it can't be drugs.
Tracy: Then how come I found this in her trash?
Jack: Oh Tracy this is Dexaprex! My mother takes it for joint pain. Her wrist was starting to bother her from slapping busboys.
Tracy: So it's not the bandito blanco, a name for cocaine I just made up?
Jack: I know Liz Lemon better than she knows herself. Why would she need joint pain medication, and why would she be meeting people down by-- ... Tracy, what building is right next to Penn Station?
Tracy: The Manhattan Center for Penis Enlargement? I know because my friend goes there. His name is Tracy.
Jack: Madison Square Garden. Did you know that Lemon attended college on a partial jazz dance scholarship? And do you know what event was held last night at Madison Square Garden?
Tracy: A crack whore convention?
Jack: No. Worse.

Episode 1 named "Dance Like Nobody's Watching" Quotes Are Here! more

30 Rock's Respawn was the 23th episode of Season 5. The transcript is quoted and ready to go! This is the 103rd episode of 30 Rock! Click Here

Dr. Spaceman: All right, now that the popsicle's melted we've got ourselves a tongue depressor.
Liz: I wanted you to look at these cold sores. I get them when I'm stressed out.
Dr. Spaceman: Ah they're nothing to be ashamed of. I get them from prostitutes.
Liz: I just had a hard couple months. Work has been crazy and I went through a bad breakup and then there was this plastic bag that represented my death.
Dr. Spaceman: Sounds like you could use a little R&R. Rum and Ritalin.
Liz: Actually I was hoping you'd just have an ointment for my mouth.
Dr. Spaceman: Gross.
Liz: Cuz I'm dealing with the stress thing. Over the break I'm renting a cottage out in the Hamptons. There's just four things I want to do this summer: be outdoors, wear shapeless clothing, do some mindless activity like gardening, and learn Spanish.
Dr. Spaceman: There are four things I want to do this summer, but they're roommates so it's tricky. All right, here's a prescription for your cold sores and here's a blank one for the weekend. Now one final thing. Why aren't you wearing pants?

Episode 23 named "Respawn" Quotes Are Here! more

Jack Donaghy Top 30 Rock Quotes
The Beeper King. Really? Does he know you're the Beeper King?
Tracy Morgan Top 30 Rock Quotes
So Here's some advice I wish I would've got when I was your age: Live every week, like it’s "shark week".
Liz Lemon Top 30 Rock Quotes
Yeah, suck it. I do read the paper!

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Season 1
Tracy
Hey, Liz Lemon. Could you go away for a while? l got to get rid of Freddie's erection.
Saving...
Episode 19:	Corporate Crush
Scene:	Caractacus In Office

Rated Quotes by The Fans
Pos.	Quote	Rating
1	Devon Banks (Flashback) Oh, my God, Malia. He did not say that. Let's text him now.	5
2	Jack A parent is the one person who is supposed to make their kid think they can do anything. Says they're beautiful even when they're ugly. Thinks they're smart even when they go to Arizona State. Let the rest of the world tear your kid down. Your job is to support him no matter what. Tracy believes in you, Donald. Go and make him proud.	5
3	Tracy So Here’s some advice I wish I would’ve got when I was your age: Live every week, like it’s "shark week".	5
4	Liz Don't talk to me like that. You look like a turtle who lost his shell.	5
5	Liz IT!!!!!!!! Oh, I'm sorry, is it too much drama? You remind me of my father and my boyfriend! Ugh, are you listening to me? Because if you're not, I will put on a wedding dress and jump in front of a subway!	5
6	Liz All right, Cheesy Blasters! ♪ You take a hot dog. Stuff it with some jack cheese. Fold it in a pizza. You've got Cheesy Blasters ♪ And then, all the kids say, ''Thanks, Meat Cat!'' And then, Meat Cat flies away on his, um... skateboard.	5
7	Kenneth Hello! I'm a baby!	5
8	Frank Awesome. A cool person in charge for once. My first act as leader? I'm telling them to take down the internet firewall. We can surf porn again.	5
9	Jack It's a younger man's game, Lemon. But I can't say that I don't miss it. You'd be in your office late at night, and the new girl would come in with some flimsy excuse to be there. ''Oh, Mr. Donaghy, I forgot to give you the factory worker death rates.'' Then, she'd laugh at your lame joke. A touch on the arm. And you'd take your reward. You'd take your reward.	5
10	Liz No, C.N.B.C. gives me a headache. I get all my money advice from P.B.S.	5
11	Liz Wazzup? Yeah baby! I'm here today to apologize for my earlier comments. I used an offensive term to describe a group of people who made America the great .... continent that it is today. These kickass people have given the world countless, bodacious things like the birther movement, intelligent design, water parks--no, I will not endorse water parks, they are a cesspool of disease and people boo you when you walk back down the stairs. You know what you people have given the world? Girls Gone Wild, the Golden Globes, cans that tell you how cold beer is, Florida, Bratz dolls.	5
12	Liz l don't think that's what this is. Floyd is pretty great. Look, in Cleveland, l'm a model.	5
13	Jenna It depends. Do you have access to horse semen?	5
14	Jack Are you accusing me of not doing enough Reagan time with her?	5
15	Jack Now I understand Performer Liz is freaking out. So I need Regular Liz's help.	5
16	Jenna Okay, don't try to move the body yourself.	5
17	Liz Maybe we could ''undid'' these handcuffs.	5
18	Liz ♪ I'm a star I'm on top Somebody bring me some ham ♪	5
19	Tracy Why don't Catholics eat meat on Fridays? I'll tell you why. Because the Pope owns Long John Silvers.	5
20	Liz You wanna party? It's five hundred for kissing, ten thousands for snuggling. End of list.	5
21	Liz Yeah, well, that's not going to work for me. Because Jenna is immune to whiskey and Tracy is afraid of juice.	5
22	Tracy Yeah, they're not worth nothing. You could probably sell them to a doll company and get maybe $40,000 for them.	5
23	Liz I want to roll my eyes right now but the doctor said if I keep doing it my ocular muscles might spasm and eject my eyeballs.	5
24	Frank All right. But if doing this restores my sex drive, the plus-sized ladies in the mail room have you to blame.	5
25	Avery Oh, no, The Peace Corp. Lawrence Peace's corporation. We drilled for oil in gorilla habitats.	5
26	Lutz She's real. Would a fake woman have a personal website at JDLutz.com/karen/proof?	5
27	Liz But aren't NBC and Kabletown the same company now? That seems like a pretty big conflict of interest. Why would the government even allow that merger?	5
28	Liz Yeah. Some dude jacked me and now his sperm is growing in my stomach.	5
29	Jack Okay, in my defense, every April 22nd I honor Richard Nixon's death by getting drunk and making some unpopular decisions.	5
30	Jack How DARE you hang up on me. I'm a corrupt cop, my brother's a corrupt fireman. He's gonna SET YOU ON FIRE and I'm not going to investigate it.	5
31	Jack No. She's more than that. I don't choose my mentees lightly. They have to have the drive and ambition to be worth my time. The intelligence to understand the challenges they're going to face. The humility to accept my help. And finally, a life that is a bottomless swamp of chaos. Drive, intelligence, humility, chaos, or the acryonym DIHC. I'm looking for DIHC, Avery, and I'm going to take it wherever I can find it.	5
32	Jack That would be a mistake, Lemon. Yes, you are the sexual equivalent of a million Hindenburgs, but you deserve someone like Carol in your life, and he deserves you becuase -- and I'm only going to say this once a decade -- you're great. You're Liz Lemon, dammit. In certain lights you're an "eight," using East Coast Over Thirty-Five standards, excluding Miami.	5
33	Jack You're the only person I know who wouldn't hesitate to pull the plug. So when are you going to Cleveland?	5
34	Tracy I studied fried chicken at the school of hard knocks. Ain't that right, Mr. Jack?	5
35	Jenna Oh I'm sorry, when I'm the queen of Australia, I'll have him executed.	5
36	Tracy Imagine Christmas wishes, shooting out of your eyes. A candy cane full of snow dreams. a stocking full of smiles. It's a Jordan Christmas!	5
37	Frank He's awesome. You can't read his thoughts cause' he doesn't have any.	5
38	Kenneth It's funny; in school, all you learn about Abraham Lincoln is that he was a gay alcoholic!	5
39	Jack For God's sakes, Lemon. We'd all like to flee to the Cleve and club-hop down at the Flats and have lunch with Little Richard, but we fight those urges because we have responsibilities.	5
40	Kenneth And Mr. Jordan himself said, ''Don't let no one in who's not on the list 'cause this mess is gonna get raw like sushi.'' So haters to the left.	5
41	Pete No, that would never work. lf l told my wife in college, ''Hey, l'm gonna lose all this beautiful hair and fart in my sleep for the next 20 years,'' she never would have married me. Love is like an onion, and you peel away layer after stinky layer until you're just. . . weeping over the sink.	5
42	Kenneth Miss Lemon, your mini-fridge is still in your office. You made a promise to Masi Oka. ''Conserve electricity. Don't be a zero. Be a good guy.'' Why doesn't that say ''hero''? That feels like a real missed opportunity.	5
43	Liz [singing montage] Sometimes we use a song to move a story along and explain it to you. Woo! Cuz Liz is taking charge, she's in control of everything she do. In her personal life, hey hey nah nah, in her personal life. Here comes the story obstacle now...	5
44	Liz Well, I'm Liz, and obviously my philosophy is simple like a bean. I'm fixing problems in my personal life the same way I fix problems at work. I saved the show, now I'm going to save me. Because Lizbeanism mean that I am a dyke... against the rising waters of mediocrity.	5
45	Liz No, your honor, I'm not disputing the fine. I'm refusing to pay it. Grenade. Respawn!	5
46	Kenneth Well I have to work. Now that the crew is gone I like to give everything a good spring cleaning, starting in the bathroom. There's a lot of drawings of Miss Maroney eating celery that men are giving to her with their hips.	5
47	Tracy If i start screaming in my sleep do NOT wake me up. I will attack you. [starts snoring] YAAAAA! WAKE ME UP! FREE FROM THIS! [snores] LAAAAHHHH HA!	5
48	Dr. Spaceman Other doctor? That's my brother Randy. Tomorrow he's going to jail for the rest of his life. Good one, Randy! Hey you want to go to Taco Bell for lunch?	5
49	Dr. Spaceman There are four things I want to do this summer, but they're roommates so it's tricky. All right, here's a prescription for your cold sores and here's a blank one for the weekend. Now one final thing. Why aren't you wearing pants?	5
50	Frank God, it's bad enough having Jenna hang out here. Now she's bringing her friends? How can a dude in a midriff top dominate me like that?	5

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